Yeah? That's what happens. To living, human people. And sometimes you give someone a part of your heart that you never thought would be available to anyone and they just fucking die with it and it doesn't feel like anything except wet and empty and then they come back and everything is different and more than it was. It just happens.
And that's not going to happen. Either you relinquish all earthly attachments in search of a path toward enlightenment, or you accept that most things are out of your control and it's probably inevitable that at some point your heart will be painfully squeezed forever.
...
[ he kinda does want a hug. he's not gonna type that out though. unless andy asks again, maybe. ]
My other Henry* was busy teaching me much more basic stuff like "pain indicates something is wrong and you should tell people when your ankle can't hold any weight."
*the fact that you worded it like this indicates u have now accepted u are one of my henries
[ does henry have moral objections to willingly visiting a cop's house? maybe. will he sell them out immediately for cupcakes and a sufficiently intelligent wolf? absolutely. ]
[ by the time he's nearly to the door of the apartment, henry is starting to have second thoughts. like why would andy want to hug him if he has a fluffy wolf available. and the awfully convenient timing of the whole conversation.
whatever. if andy tries to make him do any more feelings, he can always bail.
when he's outside the door he texts a quick I'm Here and waits to be let in. ]
[ henry tenses up for a moment. then he relaxes, waiting another few moments, even opening his mouth to tell andy to let him go now.
but. somehow. instead. he wraps his arms around andy and sinks into his shoulder. maybe trembling, but plausibly not. he's not going to cry in front of a police dog. ]
It didn't actually hit me until way later. Ray— the other cop, needed me to be the stable one, so I was that, and then Ben came back, but he was amnesiac, so I had to navigate that, and by the time he was back to normal, we got shipped to camp.
[ it's only now that he's finding the time to actually work through that mess. ]
But it's fine now. He wants to keep me, apparently I could be rude and he'd like me anyway.
Don't worry, you're in a much safer spot than he is.
[ he's still holding him, rubbing his back. dief helpfully jumps up on the couch too, either because he's a good emotional support wolf or because he's jealous and wants pettings too, it's open to interpretation. ]
It really is fine. I expressed my emotions in a healthy way, and Ben was very receptive. I'm gonna be freaking out about emotional attachment forever, but that's normal for me.
[ cautiously, henry reaches out toward the wolf, seeing if he'll let henry scratch his ears. before nailgun he's never really been a pet person. ]
Forgive me for asking, but how is it different from being emotionally attached to your Henry? Because of sex?
[ he still can't tell all these feelings apart if he's being honest. and if it is about sex then. does that make other relationships less important? is that why henry is safer? ]
[ he's confident enough about that, but then he pauses, trying to figure out the difference. ]
Permanence, maybe? And vulnerability. Henry could fuck me up if he wanted to, but he never would, and he's been there for me since we were kids, so we've got each other. This place is weird because my huge life-defining secret is no big deal.
[ oh. that's something henry understands. secrets and binding and being in someone else's mercy. feeling safe there. but he feels like if he explained that, andy would ask him if he's okay again. ]
Do you want to know one of my secrets? A real one?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Well. That's... Camp was difficult for everyone, so. That's all right.
no subject
It was more of a build-up of things. I don't wanna be a mess and yet.
no subject
Having two partners that like you too much doesn't seem like... a huge problem, Andy. It sounds really nice.
no subject
no subject
no subject
hey man, are YOU okay?
no subject
[ he's not ok. and he misses gansey. ]
If you want to stop caring about your cops, just leave. We can find you a politician or a stock broker that you will definitely not fall in love with.
no subject
also when u type my full name like that i feel like im being scolded
also, do u want a hug?
no subject
And that's not going to happen. Either you relinquish all earthly attachments in search of a path toward enlightenment, or you accept that most things are out of your control and it's probably inevitable that at some point your heart will be painfully squeezed forever.
...
[ he kinda does want a hug. he's not gonna type that out though. unless andy asks again, maybe. ]
Did your other Henry not go over this with you?
no subject
*the fact that you worded it like this indicates u have now accepted u are one of my henries
i want a hug
no subject
Well if it would make you feel better.
no subject
no subject
Very well, I accept your bribe.
no subject
you're gonna love the wolf
no subject
whatever. if andy tries to make him do any more feelings, he can always bail.
when he's outside the door he texts a quick I'm Here and waits to be let in. ]
no subject
the wolf is sitting nearby, he's fond of visitors because he always gets extra pettings. ]
no subject
but. somehow. instead. he wraps his arms around andy and sinks into his shoulder. maybe trembling, but plausibly not. he's not going to cry in front of a police dog. ]
no subject
it's okay though, andy can guide him to the sofa without letting go. ]
no subject
I'm sorry that your cop died.
[ he doesn't look up or let go yet so he ends up mumbling into andy's chest. ]
I wish you told me sooner. That... sounds really scary.
no subject
[ it's only now that he's finding the time to actually work through that mess. ]
But it's fine now. He wants to keep me, apparently I could be rude and he'd like me anyway.
no subject
[ don't change right now please, andy. not while everything else is changing. also don't mention that henry just implied he loves you. embarrassing. ]
Is it really fine?
no subject
[ he's still holding him, rubbing his back. dief helpfully jumps up on the couch too, either because he's a good emotional support wolf or because he's jealous and wants pettings too, it's open to interpretation. ]
It really is fine. I expressed my emotions in a healthy way, and Ben was very receptive. I'm gonna be freaking out about emotional attachment forever, but that's normal for me.
no subject
Forgive me for asking, but how is it different from being emotionally attached to your Henry? Because of sex?
[ he still can't tell all these feelings apart if he's being honest. and if it is about sex then. does that make other relationships less important? is that why henry is safer? ]
no subject
[ he's confident enough about that, but then he pauses, trying to figure out the difference. ]
Permanence, maybe? And vulnerability. Henry could fuck me up if he wanted to, but he never would, and he's been there for me since we were kids, so we've got each other. This place is weird because my huge life-defining secret is no big deal.
no subject
Do you want to know one of my secrets? A real one?
[ it seems fair. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)