And that's not going to happen. Either you relinquish all earthly attachments in search of a path toward enlightenment, or you accept that most things are out of your control and it's probably inevitable that at some point your heart will be painfully squeezed forever.
...
[ he kinda does want a hug. he's not gonna type that out though. unless andy asks again, maybe. ]
My other Henry* was busy teaching me much more basic stuff like "pain indicates something is wrong and you should tell people when your ankle can't hold any weight."
*the fact that you worded it like this indicates u have now accepted u are one of my henries
[ does henry have moral objections to willingly visiting a cop's house? maybe. will he sell them out immediately for cupcakes and a sufficiently intelligent wolf? absolutely. ]
[ by the time he's nearly to the door of the apartment, henry is starting to have second thoughts. like why would andy want to hug him if he has a fluffy wolf available. and the awfully convenient timing of the whole conversation.
whatever. if andy tries to make him do any more feelings, he can always bail.
when he's outside the door he texts a quick I'm Here and waits to be let in. ]
[ henry tenses up for a moment. then he relaxes, waiting another few moments, even opening his mouth to tell andy to let him go now.
but. somehow. instead. he wraps his arms around andy and sinks into his shoulder. maybe trembling, but plausibly not. he's not going to cry in front of a police dog. ]
It didn't actually hit me until way later. Ray— the other cop, needed me to be the stable one, so I was that, and then Ben came back, but he was amnesiac, so I had to navigate that, and by the time he was back to normal, we got shipped to camp.
[ it's only now that he's finding the time to actually work through that mess. ]
But it's fine now. He wants to keep me, apparently I could be rude and he'd like me anyway.
Don't worry, you're in a much safer spot than he is.
[ he's still holding him, rubbing his back. dief helpfully jumps up on the couch too, either because he's a good emotional support wolf or because he's jealous and wants pettings too, it's open to interpretation. ]
It really is fine. I expressed my emotions in a healthy way, and Ben was very receptive. I'm gonna be freaking out about emotional attachment forever, but that's normal for me.
[ cautiously, henry reaches out toward the wolf, seeing if he'll let henry scratch his ears. before nailgun he's never really been a pet person. ]
Forgive me for asking, but how is it different from being emotionally attached to your Henry? Because of sex?
[ he still can't tell all these feelings apart if he's being honest. and if it is about sex then. does that make other relationships less important? is that why henry is safer? ]
[ he's confident enough about that, but then he pauses, trying to figure out the difference. ]
Permanence, maybe? And vulnerability. Henry could fuck me up if he wanted to, but he never would, and he's been there for me since we were kids, so we've got each other. This place is weird because my huge life-defining secret is no big deal.
[ oh. that's something henry understands. secrets and binding and being in someone else's mercy. feeling safe there. but he feels like if he explained that, andy would ask him if he's okay again. ]
Do you want to know one of my secrets? A real one?
[ henry stays quiet for a little bit while he thinks about it and tries to decide. the fact that he didn't say yes makes henry want to tell him more. reaching into his pocket, he pulls robobee out and lets it crawl onto the tip of his index finger.
holding it up gently, henry lifts his hand for andy to get a better look. robobee is a tiny machine, about the size of a honey bee, and looks at first glance to be constructed form regular mechanical parts. steel, glass, carbon fiber, whatever, but it isn't really. and it glows from within, a soft amber light pulsing in time with henry's heartbeat as its wings flutter. ]
[ andy doesn't reach for it because it looks small and fragile, and also he still has an arm around henry, but it's very clear he wants to. it's a very cute bee, and he thinks it has to be some kind of magic. ]
Can't believe you've been keeping a magic bee from me. That's so rude.
Only... four other people here know about it. It was a gift from my mother. RoboBee, say hello to Andy.
[ the bee takes flight from henry's finger, fluttering around andy's head and sending a small ping to andy's device. henry meanwhile remains keenly aware of the wolf in case he considers robobee an interesting enough toy. ]
This is why I got hurt at the clock party. It got damaged in the explosion and I couldn't find it.
[ henry begins to answer, slipping into concentration as he tries to remember. it's interesting, how often people he introduces to robobee start referring to it as him when henry has never even named it. all of them probably would've. maybe it says something about him that he still doesn't think of it that way.
robobee lands delicately on andy's arm and blinks rapidly for a couple seconds. ]
Oh. Ten years and two months. Thank you. I was very... shy [ not the right word, but close enough ] when I was a kid. RoboBee was supposed to help me interpret the world, express myself, etcetera.
[ he's very curious about how smart the little robot is. it seems to be able to parse language well enough, but there's a difference between something like alexa and actual AI. ]
[ henry tilts his head at this speculation, raising an eyebrow in confusion. and actually he's having a hard time pinpointing what seems weird to him about that statement. henry does have a habit of talking to it like its autonomous, but in the same way someone talks to themselves. it's just thinking out loud. ]
He's a computer, Andy. You don't have to compliment it, it's not alive. And it's not... separate from me. It thinks what I think. It does what I think. Just makes it more organized. Out here, instead of in here- [ he pokes robobee before tapping his own temple, but that still might not make sense. if he was any good at explaining concepts like this, he wouldn't need the bee. ]
But because it's magic it can do things any other drone wouldn't be able to understand how to do. It just already knows what I want from it. That's what makes it valuable.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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And that's not going to happen. Either you relinquish all earthly attachments in search of a path toward enlightenment, or you accept that most things are out of your control and it's probably inevitable that at some point your heart will be painfully squeezed forever.
...
[ he kinda does want a hug. he's not gonna type that out though. unless andy asks again, maybe. ]
Did your other Henry not go over this with you?
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*the fact that you worded it like this indicates u have now accepted u are one of my henries
i want a hug
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Well if it would make you feel better.
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Very well, I accept your bribe.
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you're gonna love the wolf
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whatever. if andy tries to make him do any more feelings, he can always bail.
when he's outside the door he texts a quick I'm Here and waits to be let in. ]
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the wolf is sitting nearby, he's fond of visitors because he always gets extra pettings. ]
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but. somehow. instead. he wraps his arms around andy and sinks into his shoulder. maybe trembling, but plausibly not. he's not going to cry in front of a police dog. ]
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it's okay though, andy can guide him to the sofa without letting go. ]
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I'm sorry that your cop died.
[ he doesn't look up or let go yet so he ends up mumbling into andy's chest. ]
I wish you told me sooner. That... sounds really scary.
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[ it's only now that he's finding the time to actually work through that mess. ]
But it's fine now. He wants to keep me, apparently I could be rude and he'd like me anyway.
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[ don't change right now please, andy. not while everything else is changing. also don't mention that henry just implied he loves you. embarrassing. ]
Is it really fine?
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[ he's still holding him, rubbing his back. dief helpfully jumps up on the couch too, either because he's a good emotional support wolf or because he's jealous and wants pettings too, it's open to interpretation. ]
It really is fine. I expressed my emotions in a healthy way, and Ben was very receptive. I'm gonna be freaking out about emotional attachment forever, but that's normal for me.
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Forgive me for asking, but how is it different from being emotionally attached to your Henry? Because of sex?
[ he still can't tell all these feelings apart if he's being honest. and if it is about sex then. does that make other relationships less important? is that why henry is safer? ]
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[ he's confident enough about that, but then he pauses, trying to figure out the difference. ]
Permanence, maybe? And vulnerability. Henry could fuck me up if he wanted to, but he never would, and he's been there for me since we were kids, so we've got each other. This place is weird because my huge life-defining secret is no big deal.
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Do you want to know one of my secrets? A real one?
[ it seems fair. ]
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[ he tries not to make his relationships transactional. he doesn't like people feeling like they owe him things. ]
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holding it up gently, henry lifts his hand for andy to get a better look. robobee is a tiny machine, about the size of a honey bee, and looks at first glance to be constructed form regular mechanical parts. steel, glass, carbon fiber, whatever, but it isn't really. and it glows from within, a soft amber light pulsing in time with henry's heartbeat as its wings flutter. ]
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Can't believe you've been keeping a magic bee from me. That's so rude.
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[ the bee takes flight from henry's finger, fluttering around andy's head and sending a small ping to andy's device. henry meanwhile remains keenly aware of the wolf in case he considers robobee an interesting enough toy. ]
This is why I got hurt at the clock party. It got damaged in the explosion and I couldn't find it.
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[ it sounds like a childhood pet. andy never had one, but he figures he would've been protective too if he had.
on his part, dief is clearly curious but not aggressive. he's a good boy. ]
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[ henry begins to answer, slipping into concentration as he tries to remember. it's interesting, how often people he introduces to robobee start referring to it as him when henry has never even named it. all of them probably would've. maybe it says something about him that he still doesn't think of it that way.
robobee lands delicately on andy's arm and blinks rapidly for a couple seconds. ]
Oh. Ten years and two months. Thank you. I was very... shy [ not the right word, but close enough ] when I was a kid. RoboBee was supposed to help me interpret the world, express myself, etcetera.
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[ he's very curious about how smart the little robot is. it seems to be able to parse language well enough, but there's a difference between something like alexa and actual AI. ]
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He's a computer, Andy. You don't have to compliment it, it's not alive. And it's not... separate from me. It thinks what I think. It does what I think. Just makes it more organized. Out here, instead of in here- [ he pokes robobee before tapping his own temple, but that still might not make sense. if he was any good at explaining concepts like this, he wouldn't need the bee. ]
But because it's magic it can do things any other drone wouldn't be able to understand how to do. It just already knows what I want from it. That's what makes it valuable.
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